And so it is

FYI Lovelies

2009-04-11T11:20:00.002-04:00

I think my days of blogspot have come to an end. It's a bit much to keep up with, as I have facebook (and myspace, but mainly for music). I think I'll come on to keep up with all you guys now and then, but for writings and better contact etc, friend me on facebook. :)

One last update, I have been formally accepted to work with Hartford City Mission this summer and can hardly wait to get into the hood and hang out with the kiddies. Please join me in prayer for all the work that is to be done and relationships that will be made. I'm jazzed. Completely and thoroughly. I get squirmy just thinking about it, squirmy in the best way possible.

By the way, Hope Aswell, your entries are always inspiring - so thank you. Deut. 30 was just what I needed to read today. :)

Grace & Peace y'all.
-c-

Summer plans...

2009-02-26T11:04:00.004-05:00

I think the general consensus is that I'm overdue on an update. Here's my attempt at ratifying the situation; I HAVE NEWS!! Many of you know that I have a major desire to live in an intentional community (a place designed around similar values/interests where resources and work is shared) that has a focus on hospitality and neighborhood outreach. I have developed a love for the homeless and for struggling single moms over the last year and have been praying for God to bring some people into my life that share these concerns and want to help in a similar way. Ever since my trip to Lakeland, I knew I REALLY wanted this. Prior it was an idea I had, but when I came home I was ready to make it reality, I just didn't know how, when or where.

Over winter break a few friends of mine that I've known for yrs through TIdal River and I visited a community house (The Vine) in Hartfords northend. It's the poorest area in Hartford, and Htfd is the 6th poorest city in the country (according to the last set of stats I read). The Vine runs an urban ministry called Hartford City Missions that hosts an Afterschool Arts program for elementary age students, a youth group gathering with YoungLife, they run Camp Noah, there's a womens bible study once a month at the house and they hold neighborhood blockwatch meetings, etc. It's a busy little community that's growing and I was blessed to learn alot about them through our visit in January. Since then I've been in touch with Rex Fowler (one of the board members) and Lia Lee (leads the ASA prgm) and have expressed my interest in working/learning with them. Not only do I want to see how they run their programs, I want to see what living in a community family is like and get a taste for this life choice that I know Gods calling me to.

Monday night the board held a meeting and they brought my interests up in discussion and prayer and they've asked me to join them this summer!! I will be working as staff at Camp Noah and helping to organize/run YoungLife gatherings with the other summer staffers. I also get to live in the first floor of the Vine house so I can get a feel of community life in the home as well as out in the neighborhood. This is going to be for 10 weeks from the end of May through the Aug. 8th. Depending on how the summer goes, we'll talk/pray about what it would look like if I wanted to stay. I'm sharing all of this with you because I know you will 1) be excited for me and 2) keep EVERYONE and EVERYTHING about this in your prayers. I'm filling out paper work this week, going to the WOTV bible study this Friday, attending a dinner at the house next week and meeting everyone I'd be working with except the other folks that are coming in specificially for Camp Noah.

Here's the website, follow the tabs to check out any and all information you may be curious about: http://www.hartfordcitymission.org/ There's info on the community house, info on HCM and all the other programs they offer. I wanted to give thanks to all of you who have been praying for me over the last few months and ask that it continues. I'm extremely grateful for this amazing oppurtunity - the LORD is so exceedingly good.

Love to you!

ahahahha

2009-02-21T18:27:00.001-05:00

http://iloveyoumorethanblank.com/

that site is awesome.

candy hearts day

2009-02-14T10:41:00.002-05:00

A "valentine" may love you for a lifetime, but our Lord loves you for all eternity.

beat that.

TODD WEBB!

2009-02-13T09:23:00.002-05:00

A cool new comic shop called Local Heroes opened up in Norfolk, VA and the local news did a spot on it. The shop owner is an awesome guy (in Todd's own words) and he gives my brother and his books a shout out on this video! He even flips through Todd's graphic novel "Tuesday Moon"! Follow the link to my bro's blog and you can watch the video! It's only 2 minutes!

http://toddbotblog.blogspot.com/

The following link is to geekdad.com who did a great write up on Robbert Bobbert that Todd's done all the artwork for. If you scroll to the bottom of the page, there's another video clip. It's Todd's hands (haha) teaching you how to draw the character! FUN!

http://blog.wired.com/geekdad/2009/02/post.html

If you can't tell, I'm ridiculously proud of my brother (always). Just wanted to share!!

a morsel of kindness

2009-02-11T11:21:00.000-05:00

"suppose someone has enough to live and sees a brother or sister in need, but does not help. then GOD's love is not living in that person." 1 john 3:17

leo tolstoy, the great russion writer, tells of the time he was walking down teh street and passed a beggar. Tolstoy reached into his pocket to give the beggar some money, but his pocket was empty. Tolstoy turned to the man and said, "I'm sorry my brother, but I have nothing to give."
the beggar brightened and said, "you have given me more than i asked for - you have called me brother."

to the loved, a word of affection is a morsel, bu to the love-starved, a word of affection can be a feast.(from 'He still moves stones')

Clearing Out

2009-01-31T17:27:00.001-05:00

It's such an incredible experience; the act of purifying, cleansing,purging oneself from the clutter, impurities and distractions of life.

I've recently been cutting myself free from not just earthly, held-in-hand posessions, but posessions of my heart. Moments, memories and feelings that have no place inside of me anymore. There is no reason to hold onto so many of the things and reminders of yesterday. The beauty of photography and snapping hold of a memory is wonderful, I will keep many photos, but there are so many things that must go.

As I was going through a closet I found a bag of items I'd been keeping that were given to me by my ex-fiance, Ryan. I'd been told by some people to toss them away because it was part of moving on. Others told me it was ok to keep a few things because not all the memories were bad, it was only the last month of the relationship with tainted times. So, totally unsure of what to do, I kept our book of love letters, the ring, a few pictures and a scarf he'd made me. I also kept the framed proposal that he had hung in the art gallery the day he asked me to marry him. As I pulled that out, I was rushed with some intriguing emotions. A couple were sad, like the fact that I'd really missed him for a long time afterwards, but as I began to cry I realized what I was feeling most was relief and thankfulness.

The song "Control" by MuteMath was playing and as soon as I focused on what these emotions were, these words came out of the speakers "There is no better loss than to lose myself in You. There is no better find than to find myself in You. Lord, I surrender all. What a beautiful surrender." Yeah. Tears of joy, my friends.

The life I have been so blessed to live has taught me many things...the point it has brought me to is amazing. Nearly two years of singleness, and that's a big for the girl who always had a boyfriend. I am a lasting relationship kind of girl and the three honest relationships I've been in were good runs, but God's built me for something different. I have been content in these years for the most part - when I am single my focus is so much better. My purpose is clearer and I am alot less distracted from my Lord. I am enjoying the blessings that come with this stage of life.

Yes, I have very lonely days. But ultimately, I know I am loved and that God provides me with everything I need. HIS perfect love is sustaining. I felt the need to write this because I have heard from many people "You just need to find a man who shares the same vision as you. He will come." far too often. To that I say "Or I just don't need a man" and get laughed at. It's not that there isn't a part of me that would love to serve next to a true partner and share a committed to eachother and family kind of life. That all sounds lovely. But I also see what can happen with beautiful friendships and that romantic love is not necessity, but a sweet bonus to some peoples lives.

God's word is clear that marriage is not intended for everyone. I'm just finding out that I'm quite alright if that's to be my future - I love my Lord!

Some of you may laugh and be saying "You're only 24, don't be so dramatic" and it's true, someone may very well come along one of these days. As for today, nothing is standing in the way of my heart fully delighting in the place my Savior has brought me. His love carries me. I am awed.

For the record, I threw out all the old Ryan stuff. There's simply not enough room inside to share - Jesus has all of me.

some great words

2009-01-22T23:39:00.002-05:00

"God is, even though the whole world deny him. Truth stands, even if there be no public support. It is self-sustained." -Mahatma Gandhi

Messes Of Men
I do not exist, but faithfully insist
Sailing in our separate ships and from each tiny caravelle
Tiring and trying there's unnecessary dying like the horseshoe crab in its proper seasons sheds its shell
Such distance from our friends like a scratch across a lens, made everything look wrong from anywhere we stood and our paper blew away before we'd left the bay, so half-blind we wrote these songs on sheets of salty wood
Caught me making eyes at the other boatman's wives, and heard me laughing louder at the jokes told by their daughters I'd set my course for land, but you well understand it takes a steady hand to navigate adulterous waters
The propeller's spinning blades held acquaintance with the waves as there's mistakes I've made no rowing could outrun
The cloth blowing on the mast like to say I've got no past but I'm nonetheless the librarian and secretary's son with tarnish on my brass and mildew on my glass, I'd never want someone so crass as to want someone like me but a few leagues off the shore, I bit a flashing lure and I assure you, it was not what I expected it to be!
I still taste its kiss, that dull hook in my lip is a memory as useless as a rod without a reel
To an anchor ever-dropped, seasick yet still docked
Captain spotted napping with his first mate at the wheel, floating forget fully along, with no need to be strong
We keep our confessions long and when we pray we keep it short
I drank a thimble full of fire and I'm not ever coming backOh, my God! I do not exist we faithfully insistwhile watching sink the heavy ship of everything we knewIf ever you come near I'll hold up high a mirror
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You

I am learning.

2009-01-15T09:47:00.000-05:00

"A man by his sin may waste himself, which is to waste that which on earth is most like GOD. This is man's greatest tragedy and GOD's heaviest grief."
A.W. Tozer

'When we face the holy GOD, "nice" isn't what we will be concerned with, and it definitely isn't what HE will be thinking about. Any compliments you received one earth will be gone; all that will be left for you is truth. The church in Sardis had a great reputation, but it didn't matter. JESUS said to them, "I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead." (Rev. 3:1)

ALL THAT MATTERS IS THE REALITY OF WHO WE ARE BEFORE GOD.

"His work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames." (1 Cor. 3:13-15)

*excerpts from "Crazy Love" and thoughts to dwell on this day...
DO NOT LOSE HEART, remain focused on the ONE that sustains more perfect and incomprehensible than all else.

GOD FORBID THAT I SHOULD THINK OF YOU AS ANYTHING LESS THAN EVERYTHING.

Amen.

A little Page France for the thinking

2009-01-10T19:50:00.001-05:00

And if you talk to Jesus, ask Him if He wants me to come home
If He says He's seen us changing all His plans to suit our own
Will you apologize or stand behind the selfish moves we've made
While learning life is strange and people change and circle round again

This is incredible

2009-01-07T13:36:00.001-05:00

aaahhhh

2009-01-04T19:19:00.001-05:00

"Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." Ephesians 6:19-20.

RISE AND SHINE

2009-01-02T00:30:00.000-05:00

HAHA!

2008-12-29T13:21:00.000-05:00

Read it and Sleep: A Community Pajama Party
Friday, January 23 at 7:00 pm

The third Friday of every month, January to June, you are invited to join us for hot chocolate, cookies and a beautiful children’s book read by a guest reader. Come in your pajamas, come with your family, come enjoy the wonder of reading and the sweetness of ending a long day with the magic of story-telling.

*Oh, Hartford hahaha. I sort of LOVE this.

.

2008-12-26T00:13:00.001-05:00

"Take this rule: whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off your relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself."-- Susanna Wesley (Letter, June 8, 1725)

wake up

2008-12-25T00:42:00.004-05:00

i have recently become lazy and lacking in ferver for the Lords work and will for my life.

i don't know when it happened, but i strongly felt it today.

when a friend reached out in need, it woke me up to the fact that i have been severly depleted of the kind of focus and patience i'm supposed to have with those in trouble.

and in that, i've put myself in trouble.

"Dear brothers and sisters, if another Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each others troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone in need, you are only fooling yourself. You are really a nobody. Be sure to do what you should, for then you will enjoy the personal satisfaction of having done your work well, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct."

Galatians 6:1-5

it's my place to help if possible when called on.

it's your place to help if possible when called on.

loving kindness, tender patience, wisdom and responsability.

these are things i need to desperately recapture.

Father, forgive me.

Elbow!

2008-12-16T01:10:00.000-05:00

Power of Promotion!

2008-12-13T12:20:00.002-05:00

SO here's the link to "Robbert Bobbert and the Bubble Machine"s myspace! If you like me at all, in the teensiest bit, you oughtta take a look! Robert Shneider (of the Apples in Stereo) did the lovely fun music for the children of the world and my brother Todd Webb has done all the illustrations and character design for the comic book that's coming out along with the album. WE LOVE KIDS, and becase we love kids we gotta help them out by giving them GREAT music and GREAT art that grows their brains! :) I'm really proud of my brotehrs part in this project, hope ya'll like it.http://www. myspace. com/robbertbobbert

Willy Mason

2008-12-11T20:12:00.001-05:00

I wanna be better than oxygen
So you can breathe when you're drowning and weak in the knees
I wanna speak louder than Ritalin
For all the children who think that they've got a disease
I wanna be cooler than t.v.
For all the kids that are wondering what they are going to be
We can be stronger than bombs
If you're singing along and you know that you really believe
We can be richer than industry
As long as we know that there's things that we don't really need
We can speak louder than ignorance
Cause we speak in silence every time our eyes meet.
On and on, and on, and on it goes
The world it just keeps spinning
Until i'm dizzy, time to breathe
So close my eyes and start again anew.
I wanna see through all the lies of society
To the reality, happiness is at stake
I wanna hold up my head with dignity
Proud of a life where to give means more than to take
I wan't to live beyond the modern mentality
Where paper is all that you're really taught to create
Do you remember the forgotten America?
Justice, equality, freedom to every race?
Just need to get past all the lies and hypocrisy
Make up and hair to the truth behind every face
That look around to all the people you see,
How many of them are happy and free?
I know it sounds like a dream
But it's the only thing that can get me to sleep at night
I know it's hard to believe
But it's easy to see that something here isn't right
I know the future looks dark
But it's there that the kids of today must carry the light.
On and on, and on, and on it goes
The world it just keeps spinning
Until i'm dizzy, time to breathe
So close my eyes and start again anew.
If i'm afraid to catch a dream
I weave your baskets and i'll float them down the river stream
Each one i weave with words i speak to carry love to your relief.
I wanna be better than oxygen
So you can breathe when you're drowning and weak in the knees
I wanna speak louder than Ritalin
For all the children who think that they've got a disease
I wanna be cooler than t.v.
For all the kids that are wondering what they are going to be
We can be stronger than bombs
If you're singing along and you know that you really believe
We can be richer than industry
As long as we know that there's things that we don't really need
We can speak louder than ignorance
Cause we speak in silence every time our eyes meet.
On and on, and on, and on it goes
The world it just keeps spinning
Until i'm dizzy, time to breathe
So close my eyes and start again anew

Not just in Africa

2008-12-10T20:44:00.002-05:00

Grace upon Grace

2008-12-09T20:11:00.001-05:00

"I have learned to be satisfied with the things I have and with everything that happens." Philippians 4:11

'Test this question: What if God's only gift to you were His grace to save you. Would you be content? You beg Him to save teh life of your child. You plead with Him to keep yor business afloat. you impore Him to remove teh cancer from your body. What if His answer is, "My grace is enough." Would you be content?

You see, from heaven's perspective, grace is enough. If God did nothing more than save us from ehll, could anyone complain?...Having been give eternal life, dare we grumble at an aching body? having been given heavenly riches, dare we bemoan earthly poverty?...

If you have eyes to read these words, hands to hold a book, the means to own this volume, He has already give you grace upon grace."-Max Lucado, In the Grip of Grace

My Lord.

2008-12-04T11:53:00.003-05:00

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but the Lord is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

Father, You have me enamored. Your love is boundless, the most beautiful and fulfilling existance I know in this life. Thank You for Your unending and perfect care.

I am so completely in love.

You are...

2008-11-20T11:13:00.003-05:00

loved today.

as much as yesterday.

as much as tomorrow.

there is no slowing the Lords love down.

it is what it is, all the time, in every way, always and forever.

"my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." ps.
73:26

lil danielson funnnnn

2008-11-18T11:06:00.000-05:00

gotta love the danielson clan

BELOVED

2008-11-16T18:07:00.004-05:00

"Our focus as a society feeds on beauty. It has become a goal and obsesson. As girls, we entangle ourselves in the latest fashion trends and the smallest sizes. However, deep down what we really want is to be loved; feel loved. We've bought into the lie that looking beautiful will make us happier and bring us fulfilling love. But what we really need is the unconditional love of Jesus. He is the one who makes us beautiful, the one who paid the price for our beauty and we need to see ourselves as He sees us. It's not as much about what we do or how we look, but who we are...and we are His beloved. BEACUSE YOU NEVER LOOK MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN IN CHRISTS EYES."

singing

2008-11-10T00:58:00.002-05:00

To my audience of One
You are Father and You are Son
As Your Spirit is free, let it find within me
a heart that BEATS TO PRAISE YOU
And now just to know You more
has become my great reward
To see Your kingdom come
and Your will be done
I only desire to be Yours, Lord.

um...wow.

2008-11-05T12:11:00.001-05:00

A tiny reminder

2008-11-04T10:33:00.002-05:00

The Depressions mantra is something that can and should be followed regardless of the times - but I think in light of the world's circumstances it is more than words, it's a philosophy of life. Thanks to Miss Aline Edson, who was there in the 30's for this amazing reminder.

"Use it up; wear it out; make it do, or do without"

halloween 2008

2008-11-01T12:22:00.001-04:00

so i sorta missed my halloween this year, but not fully. we handed out candy to kids at the afterschool program and watched willy wonka - i got to see some trick or treaters gorging themselves - lots of creepy decorations and i did watch the "halloweenie" episode of pete and pete. but the evening was spent a little more beautifully then a night of rotting corpses and bloody things.

i know this amazing single mom, with FOUR little girls, under the age of 11 who homeschools them all and has to try to run a household on very little money...she asked me to come over while the girls were out...
cleaning, organizing, talking and LEARNING about eachother and Gods grace was my halloween this year. i'm pretty sure it's the only one i'll never forget...

cold weather

2008-10-27T00:38:00.003-04:00

As you can probably feel, it's getting much colder outside. There are alot of people who don't get to retreat into a nice warm house in the evening, they have to battle the elements and do their best to get rest in this frigid winter air. Yeah, it's almost winter. I'm starting to collect coats, rain ponchos and sleeping bags to distribute to some folks who could really benefit from these items. You might find some in your attic, in your basement, in storage, thrift stores, even the dollar store sells rain ponchos. If you can help in this, it will truly be appreciated. Just put yourself outside for 20 minutes tonight and you will realize the importance of this. Also, you are more then welcome to join in the distribution/visitation that will occur in the nearing days, once enough items are pulled together. Send anything you can to help, please.
Love you all.

Here it be

2008-10-25T23:28:00.002-04:00

Alright, thanks for waiting ever so patiently for this update. The answer to the two questions I've been asked over and over "So, are you leaving? When?". I am NOT leaving long term as I had originally thought, but I am planning to travel places whenever I am able. Since I took that fateful trip to Lakeland, Florida I really clung to a different way of living. There are some things I wish I could be doing that I did there, but that all comes with time and figuring out the status and needs of where I'm at. Which is, Connecticut. I've made alot of friends in various parts of this country that have commited themselves to helping the homeless, the hungry, the downtrodden, the weary and people who are losing hope. I can hardly wait to visit them in each of their areas as time allows.

I started my job back at ERfC this past week. Working at Barnard Elementary instead of JFK middleschool, and let me tell you the little ones are a TREAT. I am loving this...seriously. It's incredible. I had been helping at a soup kitchen called the Friendship Center up until this past week, it was the highlight of my days - however it runs during the same hrs that I work now so as sad as I am to leave them, I'm going to have to help elsewhere. Looking locally, and have found need EVERYWHERE. I of course knew this beforehand, but it seems, since certain doors have been closed, that God really does want me here right now. So here I stay.

I'd like to let everyone know that I have alot of room in my little basement apartment now (haha no furniture provides lots of floor space!!) so you are more then welcome to come visit, hang out, bring a sleeping bag and chill with me anytime you'd like. What's mine was never really mine, and HE wants us to share. Please come let me share with you; I know it'll be a blessed time. WOO!

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, covered in scars, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'yahoo!', what a ride.'

HE DID IT!!!!!!

2008-10-20T11:51:00.002-04:00

My fingers can't type this fast enough but if I were to ever geek out about something; it'd be something like this.

For all you Neutral Milk Hotel fans out there (Jaime, Brad, Andrew Mook and Andrew H. in particular that read this) if you haven't heard already, Jeff Mangum and the Elephant 6 crew have been doing a tiny tour and friggin two nights ago Mangum played a NMH song with Julian Coster on singing saw. FIRST TIME NMH SONG HAS BEEN PLAYED LIVE IN 10 PLUS YRS. I nearly cried. Below's the link to the pitchfork write up and vids (poor quality but if you watch the first one you're able to see his face with every camera flash).

Oh my word.
http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/download/146625-video-jeff-mangum-and-julian-koster-engine-live-in-pittsburgh-updated-with-better-video

peaceful

2008-10-15T23:57:00.002-04:00

Spend less on gifts
Give more PRESENCE
Love like Jesus

"It just takes that first awkward step of faith & before ya know it, it becomes second nature." -Carter Theis

The boldess I have prayed for, for so many years has finally come. God placed some people in my path that have encouraged me and shown me that it's possible to FULLY go for God. TO JUST GO. To serve, to love, to live and breathe worship no matter where I am.
COME AND SEE THAT THE LORD IS GOOD!

It begins with worship

2008-10-14T21:14:00.000-04:00

This is what it's about folks:

Ephesians

2008-10-13T11:56:00.000-04:00

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom EVERY FAMILY in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being ROOTED and GROUNDED IN LOVE, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."—Ephesians 3:14-19

Well, dang.

Say it to me Now

2008-10-07T16:31:00.001-04:00

"Cause I'm picking up a message, Lord. And I'm closer than I've ever been before."

Glen Hasnard = one of my top 5 favorite singer/songwriters

Acts 20: 33=35

2008-10-03T13:29:00.001-04:00

"I have never coveted anyone's money or fine clothing. You know that these hands of mine have worked to pay my own way, and I have even supplied the needs of those who were with me. And I have been a constant example of how you can help the poor by working hard. You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus; 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.

^ Should be our goal, friends. Let's strive together

beautiful bits

2008-09-29T12:03:00.002-04:00

Taken from Under the Overpass (excellent book)

"For some reason I hardly ever admitted when things weren't going well. Instead, I usually glossed over my struggles with an easy liche like 'it's all gd' or 'hanging in there' and thought nothing of it. Psalm 34:18 'The Lord is close t the broken hearted'. I wondered if pretending you're not broken keeps God at a distance. The men I was eeting were at the bottom-the worste point of their lives-and weren't afraid to admit it. But their ruin opened the way fr honesty. Pretending didn't help anyore, and anyway, they didnt' have the strength to keep it up. They just told it as it was, when it was. I fund that part of living in ruin refreshing."

"If we are the body of Christ-and Christ came not for the healthy but the sck-we need to be fully present in teh places where people are ost broken. And it has to be more than just a financial presence. That helps, of course. But too often money is insulation-it conveniently keeps us from ever having to come face to face wtih a man or woman whose life is in tatters. A bunch of highschool kids from Nebraska showed me something important; When we're willing to get down to eating together, listening and telling the truth together, cleaning together, pealing potates together, the Gospel comes alive."

"A hungry man can be a fast learner. When you come to a table with nothing but need, you are grateful for things you might have pushed aside before. And when you kneel, hungry and broken at His table, ceu receie a grace from Him you might, at some other time, have completely missed. You'll know this grace when you take it. It goes deeper, quicker, and it burns all the way down."

"We hear a Christian assure someone that he will 'pray over' his problem, knowing full well that he intends to use prayer as a substitute for service. It is much easier to pray that a poor friend's needs may be supplied than to supply them." -A.W. Tozer, of God and men

Mumbled words

2008-09-25T18:59:00.005-04:00

I found out this morning that I lost a friend today. On this earthly plain, he's lost to me, but the beauty of knowing and living in Christ is that he's not truly gone - he's still experiencing the joy of the Lord. Only now he's without pain, without turmoil and without a single worry.

Greg was 51 with the heart of one of us youngin's; he had truly developed a beautiful spirit of service and never let a day go by where he didn't express his love and gratitude for each of his new friends. As Brandt put it "slowly his eyes would light up, and I sware they became more blue everyday as his hope became restored. " He had a distressing history and it was so encouraging to see what the presence of God in his life had done and was continually doing for him.

Greg was my dishwashing partner. Three out of the five nights I spent with everyone in Lakeland, Florida we'd spend a good 30 in this tiny bathroom awkwardly scrubbing plates and pots, more importantly, getting to know one another. Trusting eachother in those moments, sympathizing with eachother, laughing with eachother and praising God over the day's blessings. He was given 5 dollars for cleaning up the building one day and he asked if he could take me to breakfast. A homeless man who's unable to buy his own groceries on a regular basis wanted to spend his 5 dollars on me. He walked with me places, he cried with me, he sang some crazy old classic rock songs that had so much meaning to him WITH me, shared and invested his sweet life with me. I am so grateful to have known him, even for such a short time. He was blessed with a family in the Can't Ignore the Poor kids and in turn, we were all extremely blessed by him.

I have missed him since I left Florida. Praise you Jesus for allowing us to know Your hope, and restoring faith into our shattered beaten hearts - Gregs example changed me. There is no going back now; especially since he has gotten to go ahead :) Taking comfort in the Lords words:

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
"And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died. We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the Christians who have died will rise from their graves. Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each
other with these words"

Father, send my love to that spunky monkey.

God is beyond words

2008-09-24T12:40:00.002-04:00

Ephesians 3:18-20

18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Heart it races

2008-09-23T01:48:00.001-04:00

I have experienced what I believe to be the will of God for my life - how can I go back to the way things were? I have no desire to, but if I stay here, that's what's going to happen. I desire to be brave enough to die for Christ, yet braver still to live for Him. The following are some things I'm begging God to grow within me:

-To be bold and fearless for Christs highest standards
-To not blend in because it's easier
-To proclaim my faith in Jesus with wisdom
-To no longer hold back when I feel the need to say "I love you"
-To be a caring and thoughtful person at every oppurtunity
-To be selfless; stop putting myself first
-To live frugally and realize the money I earn is never mine; always willing to give it up
-To be more conscious of what I put in my body and how I treat it since it's a gift
-To rededicate my purity in all it's forms and reclaim Gods way of living and loving
-To give up certain addictions/temptations that keep me from obtaining that purity
-To learn Gods Word enough to stand on it and know what I'm talking about
-To tak about it with conviction and certainty
-To give out an unconditional love as Christ shows me daily
-To truly know and claim generosity and hospitality
-To pray on behalf of others right when asked and whenever they're on my heart

These are the things I strive for. The Lord knows the desires of my heart, including the want for a romantic love and partnership with someone who's passionately working at these same characteristics. I haven't admitted that I'm lonely in a very long time, because I know when all is said and done it's going to be me before the Lord, and I've got to be right in Him. But dear Jesus, I am lonely. Keep me strong, keep me searching, keep me yearning for You. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I can trust in that.

Sorry

2008-09-22T02:14:00.001-04:00

I still don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going; having a difficult time being patient so please be gentle with me when I tell you I have no answers yet.

Watch this

2008-09-20T22:44:00.002-04:00

Some of you have told me you're still confused about what I'm doing. Here's a video of Brandt being interviewed, he mentions the kind of living and loving that Christians are called to; this is what I was experiencing with him and the others in FL and this is what I'm praying to be a part of in the nearing days. I hope this helps you all to understand a little more, the foundation of Christs will for our lives. Don't forget to get in the Word. :) Love you.

Just so you know

2008-09-20T12:31:00.002-04:00

For the ladies:

You are beautiful.

You are delighted in, please don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise.

No one belongs here more than you.

For the fellas:

You are noble.

You are respected and appreciated.

You have every purpose to lead

"I thank my God every time I remember you." Phil. 1:3

I slept and dreamt that life was joy

I woke and saw that life was service

I acted and behold, service was joy"

-Rabindranath Tagore

Another new day

2008-09-19T13:19:00.002-04:00

What a blessing.
Tonight I get to see Sigur Ros with my sweet friend, Molly out in Boston. Wow.
Mom found a diary of mine from when I was 8 1/2 (written in my own hand) and I found these two things pretty funny:
Favorite Subject: Math (I hate math with the deepest passion these days)
Least Favorite Subject: Sitting. (Hahaha, SOME things never change)

Spend the afternoon, you can't save it for later.
Love to you.

More pictures!

2008-09-16T12:27:00.003-04:00

Here's a few from my time in Lakeland, Florida & just after I left:

James & I with the sweet family of 7
Sweet Loretta
Bible study in the woods
Buzzy and Greg
Eddie & Loretta; longtime friends
Heather & Brandt say goodbye to Scotty & Loretta
James and this kid growled at eachother for about 10 minutes. Brandt & I have dirty feet :)

Jonny B gets hitched

2008-09-16T12:17:00.003-04:00

Priveledge of the evening :)

Sweet Jonasan

Calming the nerves
Gorgeous Melody & her boys
Almost showtime

Father and Son

Trickier then it looked

I feel so blessed to have been a part of one of my best friends big day! Jon Belotte, I'm proud to call you a friend and brother. Love to you and Melody with all my heart.

Here am I Lord, send me.

2008-09-14T11:38:00.002-04:00

Wow. All that we could've hoped for to happen in Lakeland, Florida seems to be happening. Pastor Strader is dropping charges, Brandt has been granted to leave the state and may even be cleared of having a trial at all. I don't know the details but I do know that the Lakeland door for the Can't Ignore the Poor crew is closing because the folks that live there are finally taking care of things. Brandt said that ministers from all over the are are just showing up, bringing food, talking with people and investing in their lives - hopefully helping them get out of the woods eventually! It's pretty beautiful.

So, it seems I will not be going back to Florida since they'll be leaving in a week or so. Pray for some clarity because I'll most likely be meeting up with everyone in Birmingham, Alabama within the next twoish weeks. I love the oppurtunities God's putting before me and I can hardly believe that I'm able to DO these things...praising the Lord constantly.

A lil Acts

2008-09-11T12:30:00.002-04:00

The believers meet together" Acts 2:44-47 "And all the believers met together constantly and shared everything they had. They sold their possessions and shared the proceeds with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lords Supper and shared their meals with great joy and generosity - all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their group those who were being saved."

Acts 4:32-37 "All the believers were of one heart and mind, and they felt that what they owned was not their own; they shared everything they had. And apostles gave powerful witness to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and God's great favor was upon them all. There was no poverty among them, because people who owned land or houses sold them and brought the money to the apostles to give to others in need. For instance, there was Joseph, the one apostles nicknamed Barnabas which means Son of Encouragement. He was from the tribe of Levi and came from the island of Cyprus. He sold a field he owned and brought the money to the apostles for those in need."

Life as a community requires knowing and sharing Gods Word, meeting together in fellowship and worship, eating meals together and praying/praising the Lord together. Never forgetting the importance of time alone with the Lord - I sincerely strive for these things. I was blessed enough to meet some great young people who are striving for it in the same way that I am. Though it has never been about me, nor about the friends God's shown me. Lord, YOUR will be done. At this moment my prayers are for Heather, Rebecca, Max, James, Sean and Brandt. Lord, I also pray that your will be done in Pastor Straders heart and the souls of the fellow believers in the Lakeland area. Please bless the wonderful people from the camps that are seeking your face and your Way. Thank you for the prayers of my brothers and sisters in CT and here in WV and in VA...sometimes it hits me that I have been ridiculously blessed. And because of that I hope to spin it around and leave all in my path ridiculously blessed, ultimately leading to Gods glory so His name is honored through whatever is done. Praise the Lord.

AMEN AMEN AMEN

2008-09-07T21:42:00.000-04:00

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart; Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art. Thou my best thought, by day or by night, Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, Thou my true Word; I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord; Thou my great Father, I thy true son; Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for my fight, Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight. Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower. Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise, Thou mine inheritance, now and always: Thou and Thou only, first in my heart, High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won, May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son! Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

I just have to write

2008-09-07T19:57:00.002-04:00

This could thoroughly be verbal vomit coming out through typing but I have to write SOMETHING or I might explode...this past week was remarkable. Seriously, I'm marking it in my mind over and over again. I wish with the greatest sincerity that everyone could see what I was able to see and be a part of. I can also attest that the way of life I was able to partake in was extremely contagious and as I said I was itching to go, I am itching to go back. It's not Lakeland, Florida, it's the people. It's not the woods, it's the hearts. It's not the problems, it's the solutions. It's not me and what I'm doing, it's God and what He's willing to happen.

Right now there's a group of people sitting outside of some tents in the woods with tiki lanterns burning, talking about the Lord, sharing in eachothers burdens of the day and then encouraging one another. Eating food that Gods provided and singing praises to Him. Talking and getting to know one another, enjoying community to it's fullest. This happens every night. Show up at 6 and stay for hours. The highlights I would choose if I had to to share would be the fellowship/worship time every evening - it was perfectly messy and wonderful. All sorts of different people with the common goal of sharing and learning Gods word, fellowship in community and praying together. Luke 14:12-14 "When you put on a lunch or a dinner, he said 'don't invite your friends, brothers, relatives, and rich neighbors. For they will repay you by inviting you back. Instead invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. Then at th resurrection of the godly, God will reward you for inviting those who could not repay you"

While I was there we lost the building that we had been graciously allowed to use for worship time, eating, washing dishes and for the "crew" to sleep in. Southern Baptist lets Journey Church rent it, and Journey church is the one that gave us the go ahead to use it. Southern Baptist now feels a threat with homeless people being around while they have a daycare program that goes on in the afternoons. I'm sure that everyone understands that concern, profusely DISLIKES that stereotypical concern, however, understands it. We tried to crack a bargain to allow us to keep the building and have the homeless in during their "off" hours, meaning essentially just during our hours of worship fellowship time in the evenings but that was a no. So, Friday we moved out of the building, however, Brandt's still allowed access for the food and clothes pantry that's been started. We set up camp way out yonder and hunkered down for an unknown amount of time, then I had to leave Saturday morning...my friends are out there and I'm in here and it just feels wrong. I was able to shower and they haven't in days and that feels wrong. So many parts of the American culture seem wrong but what have I ever done to right it? Nothing until now. And only with the grace and peace of God am I able to.

I'm unable to explain things well sometimes. I am not saying that being blessed with wealth is a sin and that you're not allowed to enjoy something that's been given to you. I'm saying that Gods called us to share everything. Luke 4:30, 31 "Give what you have to ANYONE who asks you, and when things are taken away from you, don't try to get them back. Do for others as you would like them to do for you." That's said to us so much but is not often taken to heart. If you were the one in teh woods without hope, what would you want done for you? Someone to invest themselves in you, to show you the love of Christ, to walk and talk with you, give you what you needed physically, emotionally and spiritually to the best of their abilities. To be shown some loyalty and kindness again, when it may have been so long that you've been downtrodden and mistreated. That's what I want and guess what? That's what I've been built to give.
Luke 12:48 "From everyone who has been given much, much will be DEMANDED; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much MORE will be asked. "

Then I think about living in comfort because I've been blessed with much, so I'm reminded of the story of the rich man and Lazarus: Luke 16:25 "But Abraham said to him, ' Son, remember that during your lifetime you had everything you wanted, and Lazarus had nothing. So now he is here being comforted and you are in anguish." verse 27-31 "then teh rich man said 'Please father Abraham, send him to my father's home. For I have five brothers and I want him to warn them about this place of torment so they won't have to come here when they die. But Abraham said Moses adn the prophets have warned them. your brothers can read their writings anytime they want to. the rich man replied, No father Abraham! but if someone is sent ot them from teh ead, then they will turn from their sins. but Abraham said If they won't listen to Moses and the prophets, they won't listen even if someone rises from the dead." I'm not about to waste the precious time I've been given here to live the way Christ is calling me to live - in its fully enveloping version, its all encompassing way, not just bits and peices but in its entirity. We as Christ followers are built for certain ways of service and for this moment in my life, this is it for me. That means leaving here and seeking out the need with some friends Gods pointed me to.

I am so thankful for every day I live and yes, this seems extreme but to me it seems to be the natural will of God. I will never stop praying and reading and gleaning from the Lords wisdom. I pray the same for you.
Grace and peace.

Takin' a trip

2008-09-01T14:56:00.002-04:00

After praying/discussing/reading the word I've decided it's okay to go to Lakeland, Florida for a few days. I've spoken with Brandt just today and he was reassuring that it's safe there, things have died down since they first arrived and there's a lawyer who's truly trying to get charges dropped and have things wrap up in peace. I've realized I am blessed with the resources to be a help at this time, and I have the TIME, though not too much, to put myself out there and be a source of encouragement. Which I pray I am just that for them. A little nervous, but moreso just ready to do something. Don't feel the need to convince folks or defend my reasoning; just pray for us all. There is power in prayer, the prayer of a righteous 'man' is powerful and effective. I have a fluttering in my heart, but I'm still trying to remain focused that I'm trusting this is Gods spirit leading me to go, not just the desires of my heart. Please pray that I am constantly reminded that all the glory goes to God. My parents feel alot better about me going after Brandt assured them things are safe; though they were already on board with what's being done out there. So thankful to Jesus taht I have a family of faith. Hope to write a bountiful update someday soon. Love to you all.

Bit of an update

2008-08-30T13:42:00.004-04:00

Brandt was released two days after he was put in, he now has to remain in Lakeland until his trial on Sept. 26 because the church has not dropped charges. The part I'm not surprised about is the willingness of Brandt to stay in Lakeland, he knows God wants him there and he's fully prepared to spend more time in Polk County jail if the Lords work be haulted. I was encouraged to know that he talked with the police officer that was sent to arrest him for 30 minutes and the man raelly didn't want to have Brandts arrest on his concience. Going into Ignited, he came back out with the secretary and a body guard where there was more discussion on the matter of Gods people needing assistance and no one stepping in to help - the end result was "hes' trespassing, arrest him" HOWEVER, Brandt's said that since his release he's had the pleasure of help from many different pastors and priests who have gotten the group of about 40 men, plus Brandt and his crew a building to use! To store things in, to wash their dishes, to hold bible studies...in just a few days!! Now it seems the real revival has begun...praise Jesus.

It is so heavy on my heart to be there physically, I WANT TO BE THERE. There is very little I have done in putting myself in the way of things, physically and this time it's really bugging me. I'm itching, literally itching, to go. Please pray. Always pray.

There must be hope

2008-08-27T11:16:00.004-04:00

Isn't it the Christ followers that claim we are able to "come as you are" ? Then what is happening? Lakeland, Florida is just one area that ridiculously unholy things are occuring to the ones Jesus specifically came for. Behind Ignited Church where this revival business is happening, there is a camp of homeless people who's everything has been swamped and washed away by flood waters, who are seeking refuge from a congregation that could easily wipe out their needs but are doing nothing to help. Claiming that "this church is not equipped for such things". Every church is equipped to help somehow, seeing as we are the church and we say we want to help...a brother of mine and yours, Brandt Russo has been arrested for tresspassing on the churches property while he was feeding some of these destitute people. A man who used to sit by the doors of the church and make crosses out of palm leaves has been arrested for trespassing; another trying to use the churches shower was told to leave and never come back. Is this really happening? Lord, save us from your followers....

The ability to find joy amidst struggle is one of the most beautiful things I've seen from the homeless I have talked with. The fact that they will openly tell you if they're having a crappy day without a worry of what you're thinking, right alongside the fact they find plenty to smile about and are extremely thankful for the ESSENTIALS they receive. What does it take for us to be satisfied? I am ashamed.

Please join me in prayer for Brandt and his friends in Lakeland. Pray too for the souls and hearts of the people seeking refuge in Todd Bentley...may they realize what they truly need, the One and only One who heals the spirit. Lord, forgive us.

2008-08-18T12:02:00.002-04:00

THANKFUL FOR PEOPLE. THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY, THE BEAUTIFUL. GOD'S CALLED ME TO LOVE THEM AND SO SHALL I DO - TRYING MORE AND MORE EACH DAY.

Words from an unknowing friend, Amos

2008-08-08T11:53:00.002-04:00

"In short, life is movement. Hearts change. Planets revolve. Circumstances come and go. We are here and then we are gone. How do we know that we are alive? We are alive when we are moving. When we are embracing the nature of a world in motion. This motion is a sign of something bigger than the almighty Me. I am a member of a species, a resident of a planet, a speck within a galaxy. This is a universe in motion and I can find few things that point more away from me more clearly than this. There is something bigger out there. It doesn’t take a spiritual person to think of one’s own need for humility."

"Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance." -Kahlil Gibran

Jack Conte & Nataly Dawn = YES

2008-08-07T11:06:00.000-04:00

Woah - taken from "Lord, save us from Your followers"

2008-08-04T20:08:00.002-04:00

"Christians are the ones who believe in the God of love, right? We're the ones who love and worship the Prince of Peace, right? Isn't that us? Aren't we the ones who are to hold patience, kindness, and forgiveness up as ideal standards? WE're the truth and grace people, correct? Then why are we hammering others with teh truth (our take on it, anyway), and then neglecting to share the grace? Those two things go together; one doesn't mean as much without the other."

"As believers, I think we simply don't know how we sound to others; what's worse, we don't care 'cause we're right anyway - and to add insult to injury, we won't listen. What if, with all our talking, people aren't actually hearing what we intend? If we listened for a minute, we might understand how 'I want to preserve the traditional institution of marriage' comes across as 'I hate gay people'. So what if we don't think that's what we're saying. If that's what others are hearing, what's the difference? I can't be concerned with whose fault it is - I can't accept this communication breakdown. Should the burden be on my lips or their ears? I guess it depends on whether I really want to have a conversation or I simply want to be right."

WOAH.

Pieces from "The Shack"

2008-08-03T14:40:00.002-04:00

"The thing is, he usually makes uncomfortable sense in a world where most folks would rather just hear what they are used to hearing, which is often not much of anything. Those who know him generally like him well enough, providing he keeps his thoughts mostly to himself. And when he does talk, it isn't that they stop liking him - rather, they are not quite so satisfied with themselves."

"I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside"

...those were pulled out of the FOREWARD...this book is going to be so good...

2008-07-31T15:28:00.000-04:00

Today practice inner charm. It cultivates love.

Must see

2008-07-29T11:38:00.000-04:00

CAMP

2008-06-26T22:00:00.003-04:00

I'm off to Tidal River for four weeks to see alot of these same faces, to miss a few, and to meet alot of new ones. I'm so thankful God's blessed me with the oppurtunity to work at TRCC every summer...it's really a huge thing that I've been in the position to work all four weeks the past few years. Please keep us in your prayers over the next month! Praying grace and peace be with all my sweet friends who read this. :)

Greetings from Florida

2008-06-22T14:58:00.002-04:00

It's been a long trip...by that I mean, it feels long. The timing of this visit is a little off, by the time I get home I'll have two days to prepare for camp, where I'll be for a month. Probably should've scheduled this differently because even as I sit here, I'm making a mental list of things to be accomplished before I show up in East Haddam Friday afternoon...
Even though I'm slightly stressed about things I know I shouldn't be back home, it's wonderful to spend time with my grandparents. The endless conversation is something I don't get enough of in CT, even if the topics are often recycled. I feel pressure to get in a relationship when I'm here because my grandfather just can't fathom my being 23 and not dating, engaged or married. He found my Gram when she was 14, married her when she was 15 and had their first child when she was 16. This issue of "finding a man" is simply not a priority to me, so being here, submersed in their way of thinking is truly odd. There is a season and purpose for everything under Heaven.
Breathing in and out, enjoying the sunshine, chit chat and family. Trying to embrace all of what's before me.
Love you.

Neighbors

2008-06-14T21:48:00.003-04:00

I had a tagsale today. What a great way to meet people. A sweet old man named Cecil came from Hartford because he saw my add on Craigslist. He didn't buy anything but we visited for a good 20 minutes while he sat and drank some water.
I'm constantly amazed at how Gods love can so easily flow through people who don't "know" eachother.
Thank you, Jesus for your blessings.

Something I read last night

2008-06-10T10:44:00.002-04:00

"Do you have doubts about life? Are you unsure if it is worth the trouble? Look at the sky: that is for you. Look at each person's face as you pass on the street: those faces are for you. And the street itself, and the ground under the street, and the ball of fire underneath the ground: all these things are for you. They are as much for you as they are for other people. Remember this when you wake up in the morning and think you have nothing. Stand up and face the east. Now praise the sky and praise the light within each person under the sky. It's okay to be unsure. But praise, praise, praise."

From "No one belongs here more than you" by Miranda July

Saddened heart

2008-06-05T21:54:00.003-04:00

There was a 70 yr old man who was hit by a car in Hartford today. The driver took off, and the man lay on the side of the road without assistance from anyone for hours. Nobody stopped to check on him. Nobody made a call to 911. Everybody walked passed, drove passed, thoughts passed right by him. Hartford. Do you know how many people fill the streets during the day in Hartford?
Lord, I am discouraged and my heart is downcast and hurting. Please soften hearts. Praise you for your promises.
Hebrews 13:5
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you"

2008-06-02T10:21:00.001-04:00

YOU CANNOT TEST COURAGE CAUTIOUSLY.
-Annie Dillard

Amazing song

2008-05-31T11:27:00.001-04:00

2008-05-27T20:56:00.002-04:00

I hear you. I hear you saying "be strong, oh be strong and BE BRAVE FOR ME"
I'm trying, Lord, I promise I'm trying...

Walford Davies quote

2008-05-26T23:08:00.001-04:00

God be in my head & in my understanding
God be in my eyes & in my looking
God be in my mouth & in my speaking
God be in my heart & in my thinking
God be at my end & at my departing

Don't forget the poor

2008-05-21T10:29:00.004-04:00

"Our valuables only become valuable when they are supplementing life rather than complimenting our own." -Brandt Russo

"I'm just not convinced Jesus is going to say 'When I was hungry you gave a check to United Way. When I was in need of clothes you dropped a bag off at the Salvation Army.' Jesus isn't seeking distant acts of charity. He seeks concrete acts of love: 'You fed me...you visited me...you welcomed me to your home...you clothed me' " -Shane Claiborne

the HEART of the matter

2008-05-16T13:40:00.001-04:00

Lord, only You know the desires of our hearts, the truly pure and passionate desires to feebly attempt paying You back for what You continually do in our lives. I don't even know the just of it, but Your knowing is the beauty. Learning to fully lean on Your love, Your fight, thoughts, visions and will for our lives.
There are so many beautiful people in this world. Each hand crafted in Your marvelous mercy and care. I look to You and hear You say "YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION, YOU'VE HAD IT ALL THE WHILE" (copeland) All day, every day. No where, ever could we find that. Thank You, Jesus.
I am overwhelmed by Your love and power. Thank You for giving us the Holy Spirit to intercede and flow, to stir our blood into action, to form our hearts and cause our tears to run. You are beyond magnificent - My Lord, my Savior, my Keeper, my Passion, my brother, friend, father, husband - my all incompassing LOVE. "To You be the glory, the power and honor, forever and ever. AMEN."
YOU have my attention.

My God, my God

2008-05-13T00:10:00.004-04:00

BETTER IS ONE DAY IN YOUR COURTS!

BETTER IS ONE DAY IN YOUR HOUSE!!

BETTER IS ONE DAY IN YOUR COURTS THEN A THOUSAND ELSEWHERE!!!

(wanting to stop "mistaking THINKING about something as DOING something")

WOO!

2008-05-08T11:45:00.004-04:00

Some days I just wanna dance like a monkey.

Some days the smile on my face can't grow any bigger or I'd rip my cheeks.

Some days, no matter how hard dark things try to beat me down, they can't come close to succeeding.

I am so thankful for those days.

Operating Instructions

2008-05-04T00:27:00.002-04:00

"Real tears leave his eyes now. It is almost more than I can take. Before, he'd be sobbing but there were no tears. Now there are. It seems an unfair advantage. Between the tears and the cooing and his crazy drunken-old-man smiles, it's almost unbearable. There's so much joy and pain and love and wonder in my chest and behind my eyes that it's like The Unbearable Lightness of Being. It's like Patsy Cline's voice.

...Sam studied my face intently, seeming to hang on my every word, all but nodding, looking at me like I was the risen Christ. I can't help it -- I like that in a baby."

-the lovely wit of Anne Lamott

Prince of Peace! Control My Will

2008-05-01T11:18:00.002-04:00

Prince of peace! control my will, Bid this struggling heart be still
Bid my fears and doubtings cease, Hush my spirit into peace
Thou has bought me with They blood, Opened wide the gate of God
Peace I ask, but peace must be, Lord, in being one with Thee
May Thy will, not mine, be done; May Thy will and mine be one
Chase these doubtings from my heart; Now Thy perfect peace impart
Savior, at Thy feet I fall; Thou my Life, my God, my All
Let Thy happy servant be One forevermore with Thee
Amen.

Memoriiiiiies

2008-04-27T18:38:00.002-04:00

Ouch.

Remembering my days of NCAA soccer at Ohio Valley.

Thankfully, I never failed THAT badly.

*sigh* for nostalgia.

Arbor Day

2008-04-22T11:11:00.003-04:00

This may be cliche but it can never be over done.

I'm planting a baby pine in our yard today.

Praising God for the awesome planet He put us on.

I still love you. X^D

It's spilling

2008-04-16T11:35:00.003-04:00

I feel compelled to say I love you.
To everyone.
I'm not holding it back anymore.
If in a moment, I feel the love, I will say it.
Our hearts need to hear it sincerely, more often.
I love you.

Sing it, boys

2008-04-14T13:08:00.003-04:00

You sound defeated in your voice
The aches and pain fill up your veins
Beyond the shadow somewhere
You lost your fireplace

You have so much love to give
But you hold yourself back from sharing it
THe secrets you keep are haunting the world
You need to find your fire
Fire
Fireplace

http://www.myspace.com/tokyomusic
(Listen to this song. It will make your heart soar.)

Best video of my life right now

2008-04-09T01:23:00.002-04:00

I love Darren King. And Mutemath...but mostly Darren King.

Smallish Update

2008-04-05T10:38:00.002-04:00

First off, I'm blasting some new Wesley Jensen and if you don't know who he is, you ought to check him out. If you know Eisley, they have a littler sister named Christie who sings just as good as the others and she joins Wesley on tour and on his new album "Stories". She may even be my favorite tiny Dupree voice of all the sisters. At 17 she has more talent in her pinky then the girl typing at her laptop right now. Love, love, love it. Plus, she's a sweetheart, I would know. So here's a couple links:

Christie Dupree:

http://www.myspace.com/cmdcmdcmd

Wesley Jensen:

http://www.myspace.com/wesleyjensen

Plugging now finished.

The youth rally was a great time, I feel like alot of hearts were blessed that weekend. I made some new relationships and we were able to take the kids to a few select areas to spread a little love through action. Some of us went into Hartford with sandwiches and water, offered them on the streets and met some sweet folks. Another group went to see some shut ins who can't make it out "to" church, so they brought church to them. The third group went to a nursing home in town and sang for 1 1/2 hrs, then visited. Good times; building experiences...I love it.

As for myself, still working with the after school program. Been able to contribute my own art projects lately and am having a blast with that. I've also gotten creative on my own at home lately. http://www.diyideas.com/ has some awesome ideas to spruce up your home for virtually no money (which is good 'cause why spend money on a house, really) - but get your artistic juices flowing. Pictures to come.

Go jam out to Wesley Jensen w/Christie Dupree!

It's the...

2008-03-28T11:58:00.002-04:00

YOUTH RALLY WEEKEND!!
This is the first one I've coordinated and I am NERVOUS.
I know it will pan out however God wants it to.
Stay tuned...

Luke 24

2008-03-23T18:10:00.001-04:00

Amidst all the trouble, Jesus called it: "Peace be with you"

"You ever have one of these?"

2008-03-21T22:27:00.000-04:00

His perfect peace

2008-03-20T23:36:00.002-04:00

Think of a peaceful word

whisper it every time you breath out

Bruce Campbell

2008-03-13T21:27:00.001-04:00

A hero with CLASS

Blog insecurity

2008-03-10T22:46:00.002-04:00

Daryl Beecher HATES blogs.

Johnny Cash - God's Gonna Cut 'Em Down

2008-03-08T10:24:00.001-05:00

Maranatha

2008-03-05T11:13:00.003-05:00

Each new moment plowing through like rolling thunder.
Tree branches are falling and littering the ground.
Standing in the middle of the rush, I seek stillness looking towards the sky.
You can rain on me, drop your debri, but here I stand.
Not alone and strong in the Presence.

Introductions

2008-03-03T21:07:00.003-05:00

These are the new family cats. Marco (orange and white, 2 yrs) and Polo (tiger striped, 4 yrs). My mother changed their names from Morton and Norris; I prefered to keep their original names, since they were so darn classy, but mom had other plans. Anyway, here's the two handsome devils in their new home.

Tonight

2008-02-26T23:03:00.002-05:00

I bent over and my head snapped off and all my memories came out.

They were beautiful sobbing messes all over the carpet.

I scooped them back up, restuffed my head and placed it atop my shoulders.

Then instead of wiping up the residue, I left it.

Just so I would remember this happened.

Lost At Sea

2008-02-23T19:09:00.002-05:00

Sharing some words from a favorite graphic novel:

"I have alot on my mind, and not alot to do, so it's going to come out, all of it, and then, then, it may begin to make a sort of sense...I don't know what I'm writing, what I'm doing. I'm not even writing, I'm only thinking these words, stray thoughts scribbling out to you. I don't know what this is. I don't now. It's a life story. My life story, by me, ...The important parts, anyway.

"...I guess the important parts are what make up the life story and the rest is just the rest. The rest is just stuff that happens to everyone, like you were born. And it's not really an important or interesting part of the life story unless it was important and interesting unto itself, like if you were born on a raft on the Amazon or during an eclipse. But excuse my digressing because I do hae a life story and it may not be important or interesting but it begins with a best friend adn it ended thsi morning. Sort of. Well it ends with now, technivally, or it doesn't really end at all but it doesn't go past now, yet, at least....Anyway, I was born."

"I'm just confused. Everything's confusing. Everything beautiful is far away, or maybe everything far away is beautiful It's like how the grass is greener on the other side. Grass just looks nicer from the other side, you know? Grass where you're standing looks like dirt with green hair...

"Every time you look up at the stars it's like opening a door. You could be anyone, anywhere. You could be yourself at any moment in your life. You open that door and you realize you're the same person under the same stars. Camping out in the backyard with your best friend, eleven years old. Sixteen, driving alone, stopping at the edge of the city, looking up at the same stars. Walking a wooded path, kissing in the moonlight, look up and you're eleven again. Chasing cats in a tiny town, you're eleven again. You're in a rowboat. You're staring out the back of a car. Out here where the world begins and ends, it's like nothing ever stops happening....

"...I love the tops of trees, and I love the sound of Jeff Tweedy's voice, and I love the hiss of the wheels on the pavement behind it all going a million miles an hour in the deep dark lovely middle of the night...I am leaning back and running with it and staring at the stars and I'm eleven, I'm sixteen, I'm eighteen, I'm a newborn. I'm everyone everwhere with you without you unbound set free in limbo. Lost at sea."

I really do love Anne Lamott

2008-02-15T11:18:00.001-05:00

"Grace is that extra bit of help when you think you are really doomed; also, not coincidentally, when you have finally run out of good ideas on how to proceed, and on how better to control the people or circumstances that are frustrating or defeating you. I experience Grace as a cool ribbon of fresh air when I feel spiritually claustrophobic. Sometimes I experience it as water-wings, something holding me up when I am afraid that I'm going down, or the tide is carrying me away. I know that Grace meets us wherever we are, but does not leave us where it found us. Sometimes it is so small--a couple of seconds relief here, several extra inches there. I wish it were big and obvious, like sky-writing. Oh, well. Grace is not something I DO, or can chase down; but it is something I can receive, when I stop trying to be in charge. We communicate grace to one another by holding space for people when they are hurt or terrified, instead of trying to fix them, or manage their emotions for them. We offer ourselves as silent companionship, or gentle listening when someone feels very alone. We get people glasses of water when they are thirsty."

If I could, I would.

YES!!

2008-02-14T23:20:00.002-05:00

Lord, I have not forgotten that a few days ago I was craving the sunshine.

THANK YOU FOR THE BRIGHTNESS TODAY!

Incase I didn't mention it, Happy Candy Hearts Day everyone. I luff you.

Goes to show you never know

2008-02-12T20:17:00.000-05:00

My work world was shaken this Monday and learning how to deal with new challenges has been exhausting. My boss, the site director for JFK Middleschools after school program, took leave for two days to take care of a "family emergency". I prayed about it, not knowing any details, hoping to see her on Monday meaning everything worked out. Monday arrives, I get to work and am greeted by the executive director of our program and another staff member who comes in to run the TV station.
Me, concerned: "Melissa's not back yet?"
Claire, completely frazzled: "Melissa's not coming back. She quit and left us with nothing."
What?! Did anyone have time to digest this news? No. Did we know where to start? Not really. Melissa taking off wasn't the only tough issue we have going on; our program is now scheduled to run straight to 6 pm, no early pick ups and we were supposed to have a completely revised schedule on this particular Monday. Yeah. Mrs Ogams, one of the team leaders like myself, was moved to another site and Mr. Cote, our only other team leader is out for two weeks with some sort of viral infection. Poor Mr. Cote. Guess who that leaves at the middle school who knows anything about the program...me.
Claire, desperate: "You wouldn't by chance want more hours would you?"
Me, in disbelief: "I'll take whatever you've got"
So, if I wasn't already a busy bee, I'm double the busy trying to help reorganize, strategize and pick up this program so it doesnt' collapse with only 3 to 4 months of the school year left to go. Working with all new people, and in direct connection with the exec. director which hasn't happened much has been stressful and tense, and this was only the second day. WOAH. God, help me, I'm on overload. It's not just me though, everyone is bewildered and scurrying around trying to make do. If you're reading this, you can pray for my sanity, but also remember my boss Melissa...for whatever's plagued her life to have to make the decision she did and the way she did it.
*sigh* You never know what the day will bring you.

Friendship

2008-02-11T12:02:00.000-05:00

So grateful for it. Here's some oldies I dug up today!

Awesome Kids

2008-02-08T11:40:00.000-05:00

Unrelenting winter rain

2008-02-05T10:59:00.000-05:00

I'm practically immobile when it rains in the winter.

Lord, I really need the sunshine today.

Dylan

2008-01-29T00:20:00.000-05:00

Come gather round people

Wherever you roam

And admit that the waters

Around you have grown

And accept it that soon

Youll be drenched to the bone.

If your time to youIs worth savin

Then you better start swimmin

Or youll sink like a stone

For the times they are a-changin.